The True Princess and The Pea

I thought I'd reveal a small fact about me.  I, Annette Marie Carr, am THE Princess in The children's story "The Princess and The Pea!"  Bet you didn't know that!  
Here's the verifiable, irrefutable photograph for evidence...
My exercise shoes have bothered me for quite awhile.  It felt like I was getting bitten by an ant.  So..  After a thorough search, THIS photo reveals what I discovered.  A tiny rock, no bigger than a sesame seed!!!!😮  I placed it next to my keys to give you a visual as to its ridiculous size.  Took it out and voila... Shoes are comfy again!😳
There ya have it.  I am the Princess with a Pea who lives in a tiny castle with her hairy white knight in shining armor! 🐾🏰 👸😂😁
Just goes to show you, it's amazing what can cause grief if left untouched!🌠

x

Needy

I have been called needy.
And I resented it.  Oh boy did I resent it.
But the awful truth is yes, I am indeed needy. 
I need a constant stream of loving input.  And as much as I hate to admit it, I need affirmation, fun, wisdom, loyalty, progression, adventure, creativity, music, and even quiet.  And I need people.  Lots of people.  People who possess the traits I so desperately crave.
There is no one person who can ever contain all these traits,  I know I do not.  That's where community enters in.   And still ... Community is filled with what?  People.  Imperfect people.  Yet that does not change my needs.  I still need that perfect love to enter my life and complete me, to rescue me from that awful neediness. 
If I am incomplete.  If I remain needy, despite all of my best efforts, what can possibly be the answer? There is only One who has never failed me.  Only One who is with me always.  Only One who promises to never leave me needy.  A long time ago I heard that Jesus stands at the door of every human heart and knocks to be let in.   For entire decades I closed the curtains and pretended I was not home.  I turned up the music and pretended there was nobody at the door.  No way was I going to be fooled into religion. One day I simply opened the door and invited Him in.  I wanted to hear what this Jesus had to say.   Surprisingly, He did not burden me with a set of rules to make me miserable. He simply showed me a better way live.  A better way to love.  He even offered me joy and peace.  Why, I asked myself, had I ignored this treasure for so long. 
Do I still need people?  Absolutely and emphatically yes!  I need an entire village of people! Can those people in my community ever meet all my needs?  Absolutely not.  Only He can.  Such a paradox.  Live a life of love because He first loved me.  And in so doing I reap the benefits of being loved in community. 

Freedom & Flourishment

Annette Marie Corwin 

2017  FREEDOM & FLOURISHMENT 

On the 16th of September, 1983, I chose to follow Jesus. For over twenty years I walked with Him as my best friend. Then in 2007, I sustained a traumatic brain injury. It permanently impaired my Cognitive ability and ended my paralegal career, my ability to sleep went from 8 blissful hours to insufficient 3-4 hours. 

Sadly, a year later, wanting no part of the "restricted obedient life," I turned away from Jesus. For the next 7 years I endured more misery than any other time in my entire adult life. My "freedom" became a dark and lonely prison.

I kept recalling this verse from Galatians in the New Testament "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." Finally, 7 long years later, I returned to His embrace. He was there the whole time, arms opened wide, waiting for this choice that only I could make.

Three years later, I am quite happy to say that He is my constant companion. Life continues with its highs and lows. But I have my best of friends by my side. And that "restricted life" ... is no ball and chain. Quite the contrary, obedience to Him brings true freedom and fullness of joy.

The very interesting thing is how God has healed my "permanent Cognitive deficit" and despite insomnia I have more peace, more joy, in the midst of life's haboobs !

Seeds of Discontentment

I have lived in some beautiful places.  I grew up in Reno, where I spent many summer afternoons tubing the Truckee River or diving for rocks in the crystal clear Lake Tahoe.  Once I lived a stone's throw away from the Newport Beach ocean where I spent mornings watching dolphins frolick in the distance.  For almost a decade I lived a couple miles from the Huntington Beach pier and often my daily jogs included that pier.  I have lived the country life in Southern Oregon where I had 11 sweet hens follow me as I picked the blackberries that grew wild on our property.  At 19 I met one of my best forever friends when I lived about 100 yards from a waterfall and river in the lush Redwoods of Northern California.  I spent a year working in San Francisco, the foggiest beach I've ever seen.  I enjoyed the mountains, rivers, and lakes of Colorado, and even spent a summer in a beautiful mansion in the historic district of Colorado Springs, just 3 blocks away from the biggest creek I've ever seen.
This morning I recalled, with longing, the cool breeze of the ocean.  For a long moment I engaged discontentment.
And then I thought of Jesus.  He could have lived anywhere in this world.  He could have lived in a beautiful palace on the prettiest ocean.  He spent most of His life in a barren desert that makes Phoenix look tropical.  He was not born to a wealthy family.  And during His 3 years of ministry, He didn't even have a permanent place to call home.  Scripture records that "Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head."
This is not my preferred mode of life.  I love beauty in nature, especially mountains,  trees, and rivers and ahhhhhh, yes, the ocean.
At times I've questioned why I live in the hustle and bustle of a mega desert city, especially during these infernal long Phoenix summers.  Why is the girl who moved at 19 to live in the green of California because Reno wasn't green enough, living in the desert of all places? I ask God "Why did you lead me here?!"
In response, a breeze soothes my soul with the calm of peaceful serenity.  For in the deepest regions of my heart, I know without a shadow of a doubt, that this desert is exactly where I am supposed to be at this stage of my life.
The seeds of discontentment, left unchecked, can grow to abiding self pity. Instead, I choose serenity.  Knowing that the greatest adventure in life is surrender to my God.  And, even at this age, I still love adventure!

Stars

While walking Chico early this morning, I was listening to a song by JJ Heller.  In the song "Who You Are" she beautifully sings about a woman who felt like her life was a tragedy but ahhhh,  the comforting verse appears... "I don't know what you're doing, but I know who you are!" I can ABSOLUTELY relate to that verse.
I look up to the sky expecting to see the usual black of pre-dawn night.  My sleepy face erupted in the hugest smile of surprise and much to Chico's impatient annoyance I had to stop and stare.  I saw STARS!  These were not the occasional 3 or 4 dimly lit "strain your eyes" city stars.  Alas, this was a downright playful stretch of stars!  Brightly lit and too many to number, they gently curved and stretched under the moon and over the trees, like a zig zag road with whimsical twists and turns.
My God makes sure His presence is known. Like so many of my loved ones, I am walking that unpredictable road of twists and turns.  But it can be with a sense of adventure and sometimes even fun, because I know Who He Is ❤

He Never Lets Go

This morning while walking in somnolence to the gym I noticed the Sun had not yet made her grand appearance.
It was 5:10 a.m. as I made my way across the barely lit parking lot.  I spotted a man hanging around the grocery store at a nearby bench.
The bench attracted a wide variety of people.  Workers on break smoking a cigarette, some complaining, few smiles. Then there were the homeless who always asked for a quarter to get a smoke.  But this man looked suspicious as he eyed me from his position on the sidewalk.
I made an attempt to create distance and found myself tumbling to the ground.  Instinctively I rolled to protect my middle aged bones.  I sat for a few seconds, stunned.  Then I remembered the stranger and propped myself up as quick as I could muster.  I figured the stranger would do one of two things. Only God knew his intentions and I feared the worse.  I reasoned that he could surprise me and run to my aid.
It was a bittersweet mixture of relief and chagrin as I saw him turn his back.
Awww, the great pretense.  See nothing, hear nothing.
I made a grateful assessment that I had no serious injuries.  Not even a scrape.  And my phone was intact.
 This may be insignificant, but there is a lot going on in my world.  I feel that ALL events are a lesson here on Earth.  What was my lesson here I wondered.
My heart heard comfort.  I have been in far worse times. And God has shown me time and again that I am never alone.  Not sprawled out on dark pavement, not in the midst of the unknown future.
I may stumble and grope but I need fear no evil.  For I serve a mighty God.  He keeps on loving and never lets go.