My Thoughts on Good Friday

My Thoughts on Good Friday
By Annette Marie Carr

As terrible as flogging, a crown of thorns, and being nailed to hang naked on a cross was... the worse pain of the cross was not physical.
It was the sin of the entire world, placed fully on a holy God. Jesus, who lives eternally with His Father and The Holy Spirit. One God, the triune God. For a time Jesus came to live with us on the very same Earth He created.  He came because sin separates us from God.  He didn't create robots, He gave us free choice. And all will eventually, at one time or another, sin.  When Jesus who knew NO sin took our sins on Himself not only did He experience the unfathomable pain and blackness of all evil, He lost that connection with His Father until he died and rose again. He did that to give us the choice to be connected forever with Him.
That's what makes this Friday GOOD!

"fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For THE JOY set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."
Hebrews 12:2
Those who call Him Lord.  We are THE JOY.

Forgiveness

A few years ago I dreamt that I was moving the last of the items from a symbolic house that represented my union with my ex.  The house was cleaned and I was ready to go.  But when I tried to lock the door I saw there was a large gap between the door and the wall.  I tried and tried but couldn't close that gap.  

I sensed that the gap represented an open pathway in my heart for those painful years to hurt me.

I prayed for weeks and mentally envisioned closing that gap.  Finally I successfully saw it locked with a heavy duty padlock.  I haven't thought of that dream for years.

It's been terribly difficult week for me.  I lost a dear friend to cancer, and have been very downcast.  I told the Lord I desperately needed to hear something very special from Him.  So this morning as I read I came to the place where the Lord called to Samuel (the boy who became a prophet).  After the Lord called Samuel's name 3 times, Samuel responded "speak Lord, your servant is listening"  So that's what I did. I said "Speak Lord, for your servant is listening."

And the Lord showed me I had unforgivness and blame in my heart.  So I once again forgave my ex and the girlfriend, assuming the unforgivness was about them.

But God showed me that my unforgiveness was not against them, but myself!   I hated that I (the ex paralegal who advocated for domestic violence victims) chose to walk away from the God of Love to enter a toxic, loveless, relationship that lasted six years.  I realized I was carrying shame for letting myself be treated so badly.  I was utterly digusted with all the foolish mistakes and horrendous consequences that resulted from staying in that toxicity. 

God told me to forgive ME! He asked me to receive and extend grace to myself and to remember that I had a traumatic brain injury that caused cognitive impairment and a major personality change.  I was truly lost.

And so I tearfully forgave myself.  And I asked God to bless me and bring Romans 8:28 to life with all my past.

And then I pictured that house from my dream.  I clearly saw it closed tightly but didn't like the fact that even strong padlocks can be broken.

So I asked the Lord to burn the symbolic house to ashes ... all the way to the bedrock!  I asked Him to scatter the remaining ashes from the east to the west. While praying I saw the spot where the house once stood.  Not a trace remained.   In its place was a large plot of rugged flat rock.  Embedded in the rock was a huge hardwood cross.  The rock was in front of an ocean whose waves sprayed gently into the air. The mist so real I could almost feel it. A foundation of Rock, gentle waves, and the simple,  sturdy cross.

Recently another wise friend reminded me how deep the Lord's love is for us, deeper than the depths of the ocean.

My past is purified by the cross and my life is now solidly built on the Rock of Christ.  His love is so deep I can NEVER comprehend it.

What a gift God gave me today.

Jesus Shows His Love In Many Ways

Jesus Shows His Love In Many Ways
By Annette Marie Carr


I am in mourning.  This week I lost a very dear friend.  I find myself with no energy, just sitting and crying and listening to worship music.  Grief is important and I am not going to busy myself nor pretend all is well when I am heartbroken.
This morning, as I was praying for the mental strength to pick up my journal and Bible, the words "Come to me all who are weary and burdened" came to mind.  As I continued to pray I recalled the part in that verse where He says "take my yoke upon you and learn from me and you will find rest for your souls."  Soooooo, in obedience, I picked up my journal, pen, and Bible.  My devotion starts with journalled prayer.  Look at what today's verse is.  God is so good to SHOW me He is with me, He hears me, and He will help me through this.  He loves us so much.

This afternoon I opened my daily reading to these pages... I did NOT go looking for them.  Obviously I needed to hear it again.  He has my attention!  He is lavishing comfort on me.  I am in awe.

And while I was journaling this song came on.  Our God loves like NO other.

https://youtu.be/Sc6SSHuZvQE

The Gift of the Thorn

The Gift of the Thorn
By Annette Marie Carr

Written in 2018

2 Cor 12:7b-9 Message Version 
"I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations.  Satan's angel did his best to get me down.  What he did, in fact, was push me to my knees.  No danger then of walking around high and mighty!  At first I didn't think of it as a gift; and begged God to remove it!  Three times I did that and then He told me, 
My grace is enough, it's all you need.  My strength comes to its own in your weakness. 
Once I heard that I was glad to let it happen.  I quit focusing on the handicap and began to appreciate the gift.  It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness.  Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size - Abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks.  I just let Christ take over.  And so the weaker I get the stronger I become." 
Recently my dear friend and spiritual mentor, Kathy Darms, encouraged me to ask God to show me the gifts I receive from my thorn in the flesh. 
What are MY gifts that result from my handicaps?  Certainly I can say with full belief that His power is made perfect in my weakness.  But I cannot honestly say that I appreciate and am glad for them. 
Here is what He has shown me so far. 
Some of the handicaps ... 
Depression, Traumatic brain injury, Poverty because of the disability, Chronic insomnia, Bilateral plantar fasciitis, Cancer, Allergic hives, the sometimes overwhelming feeling of being alone, the consequences of my sinful rebellion, the abuse I endured for years. 
Some of the gifts... 
I am constantly aware of my state of neediness.  I NEED God.  Sure, everybody needs God.  But a lot of people can get by for weeks, months, maybe even years, or a lifetime without feeling like they have been brought down so low that the only way to get off the floor is by the hand and grace of God. 
Without the abuse I would probably still looking for a human being to complete me, to rescue me.  Have I mastered this?  Yes and No.  Sometimed I worry about losing my Social Security Disability Income, leaving me with no income.  But I worry much less than before.  I am learning to trust one day at a time and not worry about tomorrow.  For truly today has sufficient trouble on its own! 
Although I am single I am truly never alone.  My God is always with me.  And I am free to constantly talk to my Father and Creator, my Lord and Friend Jesus, and the Empowering Comforter and Counsellor, Holy Spirit.
I've learned that no human being can complete another human.  Only God can bring completion. Human love is imperfect.  Only God can love me wholly and perfectly, just as I am. 
As for my troubles, God is the father of compassion & all comfort.  As He comforts me in all my troubles, it enables me to comfort others with the same comfort I receive from Him. 
If I did not have these limitations I would not turn to Jesus very much.  My own tendancy is very autonomous, even prideful & judgmental.  With these limitations I find myself consistently turning to and depending on Him.  It is His job to finish the work He began in me.  I just have to choose, my way or His.  There are times I feel myself wince when I chose His way, to "offer my body as a living sacrifice."  I foolishly listen to the enemy who says that God's plans for me are not good, but only painful.  However, satan is a liar.  Even though God does allow much hardship in my life there will be good that results from every single hardship.  God's Word promised this and He always keeps His promises. 
He does not expect me to endure my limitations in my own strength.  So I exercise wisdom when I turn to Him for the ability to not only endure and persevere, but also to somehow walk in peace and joy, in the midst of hardship. 
A respected pastor/professor/counselor shared a prayer with me today.  It greatly ministered to me as confirmation in what God is showing me.   The part that meant the most was ... 
"Eternal God, Heavenly Father, Maker of Heaven and Earth, 
We have gathered here in your name -
To acknowledge that our lives 
Are best lived with the knowledge that 
Of ourselves we cannot do anything. 
You, O God, are our strength in our weakness, 
Our wisdom in seasons of confusion 
Our hope in times of despair and 
Our light in moments of darkness." 
Author of prayer Ron Friesen 

I will continue to ask for healing.  I know He is able.  But should He choose to let certain thorns remain, my heart's desire is to allow them to bring me closer to Jesus and let the limitations bring much fruit to His glory.